Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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