I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
