loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
