I hate all girls vehemently.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
So here I am, sexting at work.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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