six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
