Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
high people should be assigned attendants
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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