the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
