some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Randomize
