Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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