just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
