I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
