Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
