I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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