We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
