And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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