Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
