He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
