no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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