Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
