It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
