I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
