Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
