Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Do you have feelings for this penis?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
