I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
