I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
