Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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