Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
