I am in a vortex of obligation.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
