sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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