Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
