youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
