Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
