You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
it was like eating out sand paper
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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