Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
he fucked my hip out of place.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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