So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
