I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize