i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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