Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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