A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
