I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
