Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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