I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
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