I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Randomize
