I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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