In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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