Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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