i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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