My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
false alarm, still single
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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