Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
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