did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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