bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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