Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You ate ashes out of my bong
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize