On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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