this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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