Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I could fuck to npr.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
