her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
