I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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