It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
