I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
