I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize