His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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