the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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