She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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