Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
