Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
