By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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