How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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