I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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