You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
