when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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