Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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