There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
