Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
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