I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
